Cross cultural relationships are always interesting, exciting, and sometimes complicated.  Of course, one can learn about dating, marriage from books and conversation, but I will offer you a unique insight.  This is insight from a foreigner living in Vietnam, a viet-kieu (vietnamese overseas).  While I am a foreigner having lived 99% of my life in the U.S., my outward Vietnamese looks does not permit me a free pass to be ignorant to local culture and I even am somewhat expected to understand certain Vietnamese nuances of romantic relationships and marriage.  My insight is based on living in Hanoi and Saigon so not the entire country of Vietnam nor Vietnamese living overseas.

Marriage and money:  While you might come into a relationship thinking that you are independent and control finances, this is not the case in Vietnamese marriages.  The money always goes to the wife.  What she does with the money of course varies from family to family.  The bottom line is that husbands usually make the salary and hand it over to the  wives to control.  There is usually no 50/50 bank account as in Western style relationships.

Independence and dependence:  While I come from a country that was founded on independence, Vietnamese are quite the contrary when it comes to love, friendships and most of all family which is the base of all relationships.  I do not contend that the “American Way” is better, but this can certainly pose conflict in relationships where women can expect full support from their boyfriends or husbands.  While women’s independence, self empowerment through education and work is more prevalent in Vietnamese society (primarily cities), there still an obvious economic gender inequality.  How this translates into relationships is that the man’s role in a relationship is the provider where the women’s role is the nurturer.

Personal favors:  The Vietnamese are amongst many things very warm and helpful.  Helping someone is human nature and the strenghth of Vietnamese society relies heavily on dependence.  In Vietnamese society there is also an underlying non written and non verbal trade going on.  It is a trade of favors.  Simply put, I scratch your back so you scratch mine.  While I do not deny that Vietnamese can be unselfish and generous, you must not be blind to the fact that a favor taken might be a favor owed later on.  Some cultures perceive personal favors at face value  while other cultures consider favors unethical or even as bribery.  An example of this business can get done in Vietnam, but things get done faster or better if you just tip on the side.  Reference: “The Economy of Gratitude” (Hung Thai): http://www.asamst.ucsb.edu/faculty/thai.php